Disenhanced Episode 5: White Rabbit

One thing about Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse is that they always like to sprinkle in gobs of literary, cultural or religious or philosophical references to the script of any given Lost episode. This they do for one very important reason: to prove that they have read more than the rest of us.

Okay, okay, they're probably also doing it to spark people's interest in literature, culture, history, religion or philosophy, or to talk about big issues raised in works of literature, history, art and aesthetics, theology or ethics. But mostly it's just to mock the rest of us for having taken poor notes in high school English class.

This "disenhanced" episode has a title which is an example of a literary and cultural reference. "White Rabbit" refers to both a character in Alice in Wonderland and a song by Jefferson Airplane. What this episode has to do with either, no one really knows, but what counts is that Lindelof and Cuse are so intelligent and hip at the same time that they can reference both Lewis Carroll and Grace Slick at once.

Act 1

[Shot of kids in a school yard.]

BULLY: It's your choice man, walk away now and you won't get your ass kicked.

[Shot of young Jack looking at another kid getting punched. Jack gets up and tries to go help.]

BULLY: You should've stayed down, Jack.

[Shot of fist coming into the camera. Fade to black.]

CAPTION: So the first lesson we learn in this week's episode is that your first mistake is trying to help others. A nice uplifting message for the people of the world. Odd that this moment in Jack's life, when helping others earned him a mouthful of bloody Chiclets, seems to have taught him the other lesson, which is that helping people is primarily his job in life. But as we'll see numerous times on this show, Jack has a habit of drawing precisely the wrong conclusions about things.

CHARLIE: [off camera] Jack, Jack.

[Shot of Jack on the beach laying down, but looking out to sea.]

CHARLIE: [off camera at first] Jack. Jack. Someone's out there. You've gotta—the current's—there's someone out there, look.

[Shot of ocean, and splashing in the distance. We can hear someone yell help.]

CAPTION: Apparently it's not a drug-induced hallucination. Jack can see someone out there as well.

CHARLIE: I woke up and she's—I don't swim.

[Jack runs toward the ocean.]

CHARLIE: I don't swim.

CAPTION: Write down on any paper you may have sitting nearby a little note to yourself that Charlie doesn't swim. We'll have to remember this. In any later episodes where Charlie may be required to swim, we'll want to refer to your note so that we are all fully aware that Charlie doesn't swim. So, if Charlie is called upon at any point to, say, swim several leagues down under the water and then into a secret underwater command post to disable some kind of underwater communications jamming equipment, we'll know that, of course, he could never do such a thing, given his lack of swimming ability.

[Shot of Jack swimming out. Shot of Kate. Shot of Jack, he can't see anything, and dives under. Comes up, dives under. He comes up with Boone.]

JACK: You okay, just take deep breaths now. Come on, just breathe, just breathe.

BOONE: Did you get her?

JACK: What?

BOONE: There was a woman—I was trying to—did you get her?

[Shot of woman in the distance, we hear her screaming.]

BOONE: You gotta go back.

[Shot of Kate and Charlie running toward ocean to get Boone. Jack goes back in.]

KATE: Jack?

JACK: There's someone else still out there.

CAPTION: Oh, irony of ironies - Boone's attempts to saving the drowning woman will probably be the reason that she will, in fact, drown...because Jack had to waste time saving him instead of the drowning woman. If Boone was in the movie "It's A Wonderful Life", the angel Clarence wouldn't have much to work with. "The woman in the ocean drowned because you weren't there to...oh, wait a minute...oh, dear, I have that backwards. Your attempt to save her is the reason she died. Joseph!! How am I supposed to get my wings with this loser?"

Act 2

[We see Boone looking out to sea, dejectedly. He looks over his shoulder toward Jack. We see Jack walking up beach, Kate catching up to him.]

KATE: Hey.

JACK: So, what'd they say?

KATE: Jack, maybe you should. . .

JACK: Who was she?

KATE: Her name was Joanna, she wasn't supposed to be on the plane. She was scuba diving off the barrier reef and got an ear infection so the doctor grounded her for two days. She bumped her flight. That's how she ended up with us.

CAPTION: Hey, here's a brainwave...maybe she should have worn the scuba gear on her little swim this morning? I hear those scuba thingies help you breathe underwater. It might have come in handy there, you know, with the whole not drowning thing.

JACK: She was just swimming this morning, got caught in a riptide. We've been here 6 days and I never talked to her. Never said a word to her.

KATE: Jack, don't.

JACK: There were 47 of us and I never said a single word to her.

CAPTION: Yes, Jack, saying "Hello" would have prevented her from getting a lung full of sea water this morning. Your small talk would have altered her entire destiny. But you screwed up, mister. Drop down and give me fifty.

KATE: You tried.

JACK: No I didn't. I thought maybe I'd—I thought maybe I could bring him back and still have the time. I was there, in the water. I didn't try. I decided not to go after her.

[Jack sees the man in the suit standing in the ocean.]

CAPTION: Ghostly apparitions apparently don't worry too much about whether they're wearing "drip-dry" or not.

KATE: Jack?

[Jack walks toward the ocean.]

KATE: Jack?

[Jack looks again and there is no man in the ocean.]

KATE: Are you okay?

JACK: Did you see that?

KATE: What?

JACK: Standing there, in the water, there was a man. You didn't see that?

KATE: Jack, when was the last time you slept?

CAPTION: Okay, Jack, answer her in such a way as to demonstrate how alert and focused your mind is.

JACK: I need to put this with the rest of the gear.

CAPTION: Uh...never mind.

[Shot of Kate looking worried. Shot of Vincent running along beach with a tennis ball. Shot of Walt cleaning his teeth with the plant like Sun showed him.]

MICHAEL: Who taught you that?

WALT: Sun, the Korean lady.

[Walt gets a cup of sea water.]

MICHAEL: Don't swallow it.

WALT: Why not?

MICHAEL: Ocean water'll make you thirsty.

WALT: Why?

MICHAEL: [annoyed] Just don't swallow it, man. Alright?

[Shot of Walt rinsing and spitting and Sun looks on. Jin's hand comes in the frame and turns Sun's face toward him.]

CAPTION: Warning - Lost hired a temporary Korean-English translator, because their regular one was on vacation. You can kinda tell in the next scene.

JIN: 입술 좀 봐. 물을 꼭 마셔야 돼. [Subtitle: Look at your lips. You really need water.]

CAPTION: Real translation - "Look at your hips. You're really retaining water."

SUN: 아니. 난 괜찮아요… 고마워. 우리한테 언제 얘기해 줄까요? 뭘 어떻게 해야 할 지 모르겠네. 아무도 우릴 찾지 않을 것 같아요. [Subtitle:]No. I'm alright … Thank you. When will someone tell us what to do? I don't think anyone is coming.]

CAPTION: Real translation - "Oh. All right - I'm supposed to say 'Thank you'? When will you go tell someone else what to do? I don't think anyone is listening.

JIN: 걱정하지 마. 사람이 올 거야. [Subtitle: Someone will come."]

CAPTION: Real translation - "Someone will listen."

SUN: 모두 다… 우릴 무시해요. 좀 더 적극적으로 얘기를 하려고 노력을 하면… [Subtitle: The others … they ignore us. If we tried harder to communicate..."]

CAPTION: Real translation - "The others - they prefer to ignore you. If you tried harder to be less stupid..."

JIN : 우리는 괜찮을 거야. 다른 사람은 필요 없어. 그냥 내가 하라는 대로 하면 돼. [Subtitle: We'll be fine. We don't need anyone else. I will tell you what to do.]

CAPTION: Real translation - "I'll be fine. I don't need to be less stupid. It's what I do."

[We see Shannon walking toward Sawyer.]

SHANNON: Have you got it or what?

SAWYER: You're in my light, sticks.

SHANNON: Lightsticks? What the hell is that?

CAPTION: New drinking game. Every time Shannon says "What the hell is...", we take a drink. Starting now. (*DRINK*)

SAWYER: Light, comma, sticks. As in those legs of yours.

SHANNON: Look, while I really love my new nickname, and I think it's really sweet. . .

SAWYER: Calm down. I got your damn stuff.

SHANNON: It'll keep off sand fleas?

SAWYER: You bet. Even has aloe.

CAPTION: So the skin of the fleas will be silky smooth.

SHANNON: How much?

SAWYER: Your money's no good here.

SHANNON: Then what the hell do you want?


[Sawyer just smiles.]

SHANNON: If you really think I'm going to. . .

CAPTION: I don't know what Sawyer could be thinking. Granted, this is a woman who, in our last episode, attempted to trade her virtue for a moderately-sized fish.

SAWYER: 5 grand.

SHANNON: I thought you said my money was no good here.

CAPTION: Yes, but Sawyer's not the kind to morally judge a bunch of $100 bills. He'll take them all, good or bad.

SAWYER: I was negotiating. I can take an IOU. Something tells me you're good … for it.

[Shannon throws the bug dope at Sawyer and storms away.]

CAPTION: She had the bug stuff in her hands, Sawyer attempts to ask a ridiculous price for it, and so she throws it back at him? How's about this for a better plan...take it and run? What's Sawyer going to do, call the nonexistent Island Police to enforce his Looted Property Rights?

[We see Kate going through clothes, as Claire approaches.]

CLAIRE: You haven't found a hairbrush in there, have you?

KATE: No. Sorry.

CLAIRE: I must have looked through 20 suitcases. I can't find one. It's weird, right? When you think that everyone packs a hairbrush.

CAPTION: For going to Australia? Please. Have you seen the average Australian surfer dude? Haircare is clearly optional.

[Claire sits/sort of falls down.]

KATE: You alright?

CLAIRE: Yeah, it's just the heat. Oh, and, and I'm pregnant.

KATE: Really? [she hands Claire some water]

CAPTION: Kate didn't understand that Claire is pregnant because of Jack's overspecialization in orthopedic surgery. Jack told Kate that, in his medical opinion, Claire's L4 vertebra was about 1000 bigger than normal and protruding into her stomach.

CLAIRE: Thanks. What are you doing?

KATE: I'm sorting the practical clothes from the impractical. Wanna help?

CLAIRE: Sure. Can I—can I ask you something?

KATE: Sure, shoot.

CLAIRE: Are you a Gemini?

KATE: Yeah, I am.

CLAIRE: I thought so, restless, passionate. You know, everyone thinks astrology's just a load of crap but that's just because they don't get it. I can do your chart if you want to? [Kate doesn't reply] Or not. . .. Geminis..

CAPTION: Oh, this is so cool, though. Tell me, which sign is the one for people easily bamboozled by superstitions?

[Shot of Jack, as Hurley approaches.]

HURLEY: Hey Jack!

[Return to close up of Hurley]

HURLEY: Whoa. You look tired, brother.

JACK: I'm fine. What's up?

HURLEY: We got a problem.

[Jack looks too tired to deal with it.]

[Shot of some water bottles in a suitcase.]

JACK: That's it?

CHARLIE: That's it.

CAPTION: It's worse than that - the Kool-Aid mix and the sugar is completely out.

JACK: How many?


HURLEY: People just kind of took what they needed because we were supposed to be rescued, but we weren't.

CHARLIE: Even if we divvied it up, split the bottles in half it wouldn't be enough for 47 people.

JACK: 46. 46 of us now.

CAPTION: That's sort of the silver lining, though, isn't it? Everyone gets an extra thimble of water, thanks to good old Joanna.

HURLEY: People find out this is all we have left, they're going to freak out, man.

CHARLIE: The boar's running low until we can catch another one. What should we tell them?

JACK: I don't know.

HURLEY: Maybe we can make one of those water finding sticks.

CAPTION: More people should listen to Hurley. Thus far on the show, he's expressed a belief in continental land masses in the South Pacific, dinosaurs on the present-day Earth, and now, divining rods. He's obviously the go-to guy for all your science needs.

CHARLIE: What should we do with the stuff we've got?

JACK: I don't know.

[Jack walks away. Charlie and Hurley follow with the suitcase of water.]

CHARLIE: We should put it in the tent, yeah?

HURLEY: Maybe the dog can find water?

CHARLIE: Probably better if people don't know how little is left.

HURLEY: Dogs can find pot and bombs, so I'm sure he can find water.

CAPTION: Yeah, that explains why Vincent has been down at the beachfront, "pointing" at the ocean for the last five hours.

CHARLIE: Don't tell the others we're running low. That way you can ration it. Then you can decide what. . .

JACK: I'm not deciding anything.

HURLEY: Why not?

CAPTION: Because the moral of today's story is that deciding stuff and trying to be a hero is just giving the Universe a chance to mess with you. Or so says Jack's Dad. Lovely message, huh? Let's do a flashback to see where this Calvinism Gone Wild first entered young Jack's life.


[We hear the sound of ice clinking in glass, then see a shot of a glass with ice and alcohol.]

CHRISTIAN SHEPHARD: Do you want to come in?

[Young Jack enters his father's study.]

CHRISTIAN SHEPHARD: So, you want to tell me what happened?

YOUNG JACK: A couple guys jumped Marc Silverman.

CAPTION: Okay, yet another example of how Jews are just victims on Lost. Last episode we had a guy named Wollstein who didn't even make it off the plane, and now a guy named Silverman who's only famous on the show for getting the crap whaled out of him. On House, both Cuddy and Wilson are think maybe one of them could do a guest shot on Lost for a little equal time?

CHRISTIAN SHEPHARD: A couple guys jumped Marc Silverman. But they didn't jump you?


CHRISTIAN SHEPHARD: I had a boy on my table today. I don't know, maybe a year younger than you. He had a bad heart. It got real hairy, real fast. Everybody's looking at your old man to make decisions. And I was able to make those decisions because at the end of the day, after the boy died, I was able to wash my hands and come home to dinner. You know, watch a little Carol Burnett, laugh till my sides hurt. And how can I do that, hmm? And even when I fail, how do I do that, Jack? Because I have what it takes. Don't choose, Jack, don't decide. You don't want to be a hero, you don't try and save everyone because when you fail … you just don't have what it takes.

CAPTION: Okay, so here's a possible explanation of this completely wacky dialogue. Christian thinks he's a good doctor because he's fated to be, not because he tries. He's just the kind of a guy who 'has what it takes', so even when he fails, no biggie because he'll be able to be Super Surgeon tomorrow. It's just who he is. Now, the really crazy part is that this is fatherly advice - and he's advising Jack to be fated to be someone who has what it takes. How exactly is Jack going to follow this advice? "Thanks Dad, I'll try harder to have things come to me naturally?"

[Close up of Jack back on beach.]

BOONE: [off camera] Why didn't you leave me? Hey, I'm talking to you.

CAPTION: Uh-oh, Jack. Boone is calling you out.

JACK: Not now, man.

BOONE: I could have made it back. What? Not going to answer me? I told you to leave me.

JACK: You were drowning.

BOONE: You should've saved her.

JACK: But I didn't save her. And neither did you.

CAPTION: In a different Universe, Jack saves Joanna, and it's Boone that drowns. And everyone is much, much happier. (Especially one of the survivors who runs a frogurt stand back in the U.S., for whom the survival of Joanna means that it's "Neil time".)

[Jack walks away. Boone follows.]

BOONE: You think you're all noble and heroic for coming after me? I was fine. You're not the only one who knows what to do around here, you know that? I run a business. Who appointed you our savior, huh? What gives you the right—[Jack looks off toward the jungle]. Look at me. Hey, I'm talking to you.

CAPTION: Hey, maybe there is something to this notion that some people aren't exactly fated to have what it takes. Otherwise, it's really, really hard to explain Boone's existence on this planet. (On the other hand, perhaps we should not mistake idiocy for fate.)

[Jack sees the man in the suit again.]

BOONE: Look at me, Jack. Where are you going? Hey, where are going? Hey!

[Jack runs off toward the figure. The man has stopped, and Jack stops, too, about 12 feet away. He walks slowly toward the man, reaches out his hand. The man turns. It's Jack's father. Jack backs away and falls.]

JACK: Dad?

[The figure walks away. Close up of Jack.]

CAPTION: Apparently, the old man "has what it takes" to astral project.

Act 3

[Shot of Jack on ground in jungle.]

[Shot of Jack in house looking at his reflection in a window, rain outside.]

MARGO: Your father's gone Jack. Did you hear what I said? He's gone, Jack.

JACK: He'll be back.

CAPTION: Jack's reasoning isn't faulty here. Apparently, Christian will tend to show up, even when you least expect him.

MARGO: This time it's different. I want you to bring him back.

JACK: He hasn't talked to me in 2 months, Mom.

MARGO: You haven't talked to him in 2 months.

JACK: He doesn't want me to bring him back, trust me. Let one of his friends.

MARGO: He doesn't have friends anymore. Why do you think that is?

CAPTION: Um...he gave his friends the "You don't have what it takes" speech?

MARGO: He was right about you.

JACK: Right about what?

MARGO: You don't understand the pressure that he's under.

CAPTION: Yeah, ever since CBS cancelled The Carol Burnett Show.

JACK: I understand pressure.

MARGO: Jack, please you know how he gets—he doesn't—he won't take care of himself. You have to go after him.

JACK: I'm sorry. I can't.

MARGO: I can't? You don't get to say "I can't."

CAPTION: "What about 'I don't have what it takes'? Will that fly? That excuse goes pretty far in this house."

MARGO: Not after what you did. Bring your father home, Jack.

CAPTION: "Meh, I'll do it if I'm fated to do it. Maybe I will. Maybe I won't. Hey, are there any curly fries for dinner tonight?"

JACK: Where is he?

MARGO: Australia.

[Shot of Jack in jungle pursuing his father.]

[Shot of Walt running to Kate on beach.]

WALT: Hey, hey!

KATE: What's the matter?

WALT: The pregnant lady fell down.

CAPTION: In order to demonstrate the lack of water in the survivors camp, Claire is having an attack of narrative convenience.

[Shot of Charlie, Michael and Kate carrying Claire to the infirmary.]

KATE: What happened?

CHARLIE: She just dropped.

KATE: Must be the heat.

CAPTION: It's not the heat. It's the humidity.

KATE: Is she breathing?

MICHAEL: I think.

KATE: Come on. Let's get her inside. Claire? Claire, honey, wake up. Claire? Can you hear me, Claire. Come on. Wake up. Please wake up. Please. Come on. Claire can you hear me?


KATE: Hi. It's me. It's Kate.


KATE: You passed out. Just take it easy okay? [To Charlie] She needs water.

[Shot of Charlie looking for water and not finding it.]

CHARLIE: The water's gone. Someone stole it.

CAPTION: Not very much water to begin with, but now what there is has been stolen. Apparently narratively convenient plot exposition is contagious.

[Shot of Locke, Sayid, Kate on beach.]

LOCKE: Where is the doctor?

KATE: I don't know. No one can find him.

SAYID: Is this the last of the camp's water supply?

KATE: Yeah.

SAYID: Keeping it all in one place, foolish.

CAPTION: Yes, it would be so much cooler to have a Survivors Camp Scavenger Hunt. Participants would hunt for all 18 of the bottles. You see, if one of the survivors was Julie, Your Cruise Director, then there would be fun activities like this.

KATE: Let's go into the jungle, try to find some fresh water.


SAYID: You're not going alone.

LOCKE: When the others find out the water's gone it's going to get ugly. And when they find out that someone pinched it, it's going to get uglier. I'll go. Camp needs you two here, especially with the doctor gone. And besides, I know where to look.

[Shot of Jack wandering around the jungle.]

JACK: Where are you? Where are you? [yelling] Where are you?!

CAPTION: Shouldn't Jack know this? Wasn't he staring right at him at the end of that other scene? If there's anyone well-placed to know where the ethereal apparition of his father is, you'd think it'd be Jack. Anyway, what is up with that? In the last episode, Kate was staring right at Locke when the Monster attacked him, but later had no idea what exactly happened to Locke. Did the Monster drag him somewhere, or pick him up and throw him somewhere? Did Locke challenge it to a rousing game of backgammon? Kate had the best seat in the house, you ask her, she doesn't know. Now Jack was staring right at Christian but couldn't tell you if he evaporated into thin air or just headed off in search of the Island's cheapest cocktail lounge?


[Shot of Jack in a hotel room.]

HOTEL MANAGER: The maid says he hasn't used the bed in the past three days.

JACK: Did he rent a car from the concierge?

HOTEL MANAGER: No sir. Quite honestly, Mr. Shephard, I don't think your father rented a car at all.

JACK: Yeah, why's that?

CAPTION: "Because he comes to Australia so often, that it made more sense to buy."

HOTEL MANAGER: There was an incident a few nights ago at the hotel bar. I had to get security to escort your father to his room.

JACK: What's that have to do with renting a car?

CAPTION: This is a bit of a cultural difference rearing its head. Australia and Southern California are different when it comes to drunk driving. In the freeway culture of Los Angeles, people are so dependent on their cars that even having a blood alcohol level over .5 is only considered a minor speedbump on the way to getting your license.

HOTEL MANAGER: I'm sorry sir. . .

JACK: Come on, what's that have to do with. . .

HOTEL MANAGER: Mr. Shephard, I don't think any rental agent in Sydney would lease your father a car in his condition.

JACK: My father is the Chief of Surgery.

CAPTION: "Exactly, and the law requires that pompous people who rely on their credentials to get treated differently do not have the right to lease cars in Australia. Of course, if I tell you that, I won't get a tip."

HOTEL MANAGER: Of course, sir. I apologize.

[Jack has been looking around room, finding bottles of booze, pills. He finds his father's wallet on the bedside table.]

JACK: He left his wallet. Who leaves a wallet?

CAPTION: "Hey, it's the one I made for him at Cal State Riverside Summer Camp in 1985!"

HOTEL MANAGER: Perhaps you should talk to the police, Mr. Shephard.

JACK: Where are you?

[Shot of Jack in the jungle running after the figure again, disoriented. He gets to a clearing and then father is behind him. He runs after him again, and falls down a hill and off a cliff. We see him trying to hold on, climb back up.]

CAPTION: It seems Jack didn't learn what everyone else learned when they were small - if your dead father jumps off a cliff, that doesn't mean you have to do it, too.

Act 4

[We see Jack hanging onto the vine; he's slipping, and a hand comes over the top.]

LOCKE: Take my hand. Come on.

[Locke pulls him up and they both stay on the ground a moment, catching their breath.]

LOCKE: Are you okay?

[Jack laughs, slightly crazily.]

CAPTION: "I'll take that as a 'no'."

[Shot of Charlie on the beach, bringing water to Claire.]


CLAIRE: Hey. How long have I. . .

CHARLIE: A couple of hours. Here. It's not much but it's what we have. Just relax, you have to think about the little one, you know.

CLAIRE: Thanks for the water, Charlie.

CAPTION: Ah, yes, gallant Charlie. Heroically giving Claire a disproportionate share of everyone's basic water resources. He's a keeper, Claire.

CHARLIE: There'd be more if some git hadn't nicked it.

CAPTION: Hey, Charlie's British! We know this, because this is Authentic British Slang(tm). (Wouldn't it be just priceless if Claire would answer him "Oi, too right, mate!")

CLAIRE: Is Jack back yet?

CHARLIE: No. No one's seen him. But, I wouldn't worry. Good old Mr. Locke's gone into the jungle to get some water for you.

CLAIRE: Great. Now our only hunter's going to get eaten just so he can get the pregnant girl some more water.

CAPTION: It would have made better television to make the pregnant girl get her own water.

CHARLIE: I wouldn't worry about him. I mean, you tell me, who would you rather meet in a dark alley, whatever's out there, or that old geezer with his 400 knives? I mean, who packs 400 knives? Personally, I can only have space for 200, 300 at most.

CAPTION: This is a sly reference on Lindelof and Cuse's part to the famous Dr. Seuss book The 400 Knives of Bartholomew Cubbins.

CLAIRE: When are they going to rescue us?


CAPTION: Charlie knows this how? Does he have a secret radar he hasn't told the group about yet?

CLAIRE: Thanks, Charlie.

CHARLIE: For what?

CLAIRE: People don't seem to look me in the eye here. I think I scare them. It's like I'm this time bomb of responsibility just waiting to go off.

CHARLIE: You don't scare me.

CAPTION: Yeah, why would responsibility faze a heroin addict? Come on.

[Hurley runs up to Sayid and Kate.]

HURLEY: Uh, the Chinese people have water.

[Sayid goes right off to Sun.]

SAYID: Where did you get this? Where did you get this? [yelling] Where did you … !

KATE: She doesn't understand you.

CAPTION: Warning - our temporary Korean-English translator is still on the job for these next translations.

SAYID: She understands me. Did you steal this water?

SUN: 죄송하지만 무슨 오해가 있는 것 같은데요. 그런 게 아니라…

CAPTION: "He thinks I stole a waiter..."

JIN: [Runs up yelling.] 떨어져, 이 새끼야. 내 와이프 한 번만 더 만지면 넌 죽어.

CAPTION: "What do you know? Our service was very poor! He didn't even bring us mints!"

KATE: Just take it easy, alright. We just want to talk, alright? This had water in it. Is it yours? Who gave you this?

[Jin points at Sawyer who's smoking a cigarette. Kate moves to go to him, but Sayid stops her.]

SAYID: I don't see the water.

KATE: And?

SAYID: You go after him now, he'll give you nothing. But if you wait, a rat will always lead you to its hole.

[Shot of Sawyer walking to his 'hole' and grabbing a pack of cigarettes. Kate tackles him.]

SAWYER: Well, it's about time.

KATE: For what?

SAWYER: I made this birthday wish 4 years ago.

CAPTION: A long story. Suffice it to say that the management of Chuck-E-Cheese eventually persuaded Sawyer to leave.

KATE: Where's the water?

[Sawyer flips her over so he's on top.]

SAWYER: That's better.

KATE: Get off of me.

CAPTION: Not wise. If he does, the ratings plummet.

[Sayid enters and drags Sawyer off of Kate.]

SAYID: Give us the water now.

SAWYER: [shoving Sayid] Touch me again, huh.

CAPTION: That would be unlikely to restore the ratings.

[Kate looks through Sawyer's stuff.]

SAWYER: You really think I stole your damn water?

SAYID: We know you gave two bottles to the Koreans.

SAWYER: I don't give nothing to nobody.

KATE: It's not here.

SAWYER: I traded Mr. Miyagi the last of my water for a fish he caught. We worked it out caveman style.

CAPTION: If people have been following the trading behavior of the last couple episodes, what this also means is that Shannon's virtue can be purchased for two bottles of water. We've already established she's worth a fish, so by the transitive property of equality...

KATE: You gave him your last two bottles?

SAWYER: Water has no value, Freckles. It's gonna rain sooner or later. And hell, I'm an optimist.

CAPTION: Sawyer's supposed to be some rogue capitalist, but he doesn't get that water is selling at a premium right now? It's buy low and sell high, Sawyer. Honestly, Jack would probably trade you Kate for some water right now, plus a romantic interest to be named later. You suck at this.

[Sawyer gets something out of his suitcase.]

SAWYER: [to Kate] Hey, you forgot something. [Throws her a badge]. Seeing as you're the new sheriff in town. Might as well make it official.

[Shot of a drop of water coming off a plant into a water bottle. Wider shot shows Locke's arms.]

JACK: How are they, the others?

LOCKE: Thirsty. Hungry. Waiting to be rescued. And they need someone to tell them what to do.

CAPTION: "You know, the usual."

JACK: Me? I can't.

LOCKE: Why can't you?

JACK: Because I'm not a leader.

LOCKE: And yet they all treat you like one.

CAPTION: They also all treat Charlie like a musician. There's no accounting for what these people think.

JACK: I don't know how to help them. I'll fail. I don't have what it takes.

LOCKE: Why are you out here, Jack?

JACK: I think I'm going crazy.

LOCKE: No. You're not going crazy. Crazy people don't know they're going crazy. They think they're getting saner.

CAPTION: Take George W. Bush, for example.

LOCKE: So, why are you out here?

JACK: I'm chasing something—someone.

LOCKE: Ah. The white rabbit. Alice in Wonderland.

CAPTION: Ah, so Christian is the White Rabbit! That makes sense, in an extremely vague sort of way. Alice was chasing the White Rabbit, Jack was chasing his father - thus we have a perfect, ironclad analogy, right? Er, except nothing else seems to link these two characters. Okay, I can kind of see one other point of similarity, maybe, if you do a lot of squinting. The White Rabbit in Alice in Wonderland was hurrying because he is late. Christian, on the other hand, as we'll find out conclusively in a minute, is "the late Christian Shephard". But outside of that these two characters are as alike as...well...any of the things that Alanis Morrissette compares in that song Ironic.

JACK: Yeah, wonderland, because who I'm chasing—he's not there.

LOCKE: But you see him?

JACK: Yes. But he's not there.

LOCKE: And if I came to you and said the same thing, then what would your explanation be, as a doctor.

JACK: I'd call it a hallucination. A result of dehydration, post traumatic stress, not getting more than 2 hours of sleep a night for the past week. All of the above.

CAPTION: "Actually, I'd say I was a Loonburger with Extra Cheese, but all of that stuff is kind of included in that diagnosis."

LOCKE: All right, then. You're hallucinating. But what if you're not?

JACK: Then we're all in a lot of trouble.

LOCKE: I'm an ordinary man Jack, meat and potatoes, I live in the real world. I'm not a big believer in magic.

CAPTION: Just destiny. Somehow that's different.

LOCKE: But this place is different. It's special. The others don't want to talk about it because it scares them. But we all know it. We all feel it. Is your white rabbit a hallucination? Probably. But what if everything that happened here, happened for a reason? What if this person that you're chasing is really here?

JACK: That's impossible.

LOCKE: Even if it is; let's say it's not.

JACK: Then what happens when I catch him?

CAPTION: That depends. Is he a stewin' wabbit or a fwickaseein' wabbit?

LOCKE: I don't know. But I've looked into the eye of this island. And what I saw was beautiful.

[Locke gets up to leave.]

JACK: Wait, wait, wait, where are you going?

LOCKE: To find some more water.

JACK: I'll come with you.

LOCKE: No. You need to finish what's you've started.

JACK: Why?

LOCKE: Because a leader can't lead until he knows where he's going.

CAPTION: Is Locke sure of this? Again, take George W. Bush as an example.

Act 5

[Shot of Jack sitting at a little fire in the jungle.]


[Shot of Jack and a medical examiner walking down a hall in some kind of medical building (morgue).]

MEDICAL EXAMINER: The police found him in an alley in Queens Cross. Now, a tox screen showed a blood alcohol content, which for a man of his size, probably brought on myocardial infarction - a sizable, and fatal heart-attack.

[They go into a room with a body bag on a gurney. The Medical Examiner unzips it. His father is there.]

JACK: [crying] That's him.

[Shot of Jack in the jungle, crying. We hear the sound of ice in a glass...]

CAPTION: How thoughtful of Christian to alert his son to his presence in the jungle by creating for him a sound related to the circumstances of his recent death. Quite respectful of his son's feelings.

[...and a branch breaking or moving. Jack grabs a log out of the fire to use as a torch and follows. He comes upon the caves and water. He sees a doll in the water which he picks up. There are a bunch of dolls scattered on the ground from a box. There is other debris there from a section of a plane. He finds a coffin.]

CAPTION: Remember the first episode, where we find out that Jack has fallen onto the Island like a feather wafting gently to the surface, rather than in a fashion which would naturally pulverize him, given that he has fallen from stratospheric heights? Well ditto for the coffin. This should be splinters. Unless they can really, really build a durable coffin in Australia.


[We see Jack at a counter at the Sydney airport.]

JACK: What do you mean you won't put it on the plane?

AGENT: I'm sorry Mr. Shephard, but our policy is that the body must have the proper documentation. There's just no latitude.

JACK: No latitude? No latitude?

CAPTION: The counter agent is under the mistaken impression that Jack is taking his father's body to the Equator, apparently.

AGENT: Without the proper documents. . .

JACK: Look, you can't do this to me. I'm ready to go now.

AGENT: Perhaps another carrier. . .


CAPTION: Australia's a funny country. At one ticket counter, you need proper documentation. But perhaps, at least if this counter agent is to be believed, another airline can set you up with absolutely no documentation at all. Maybe you can even find one where Christian can ride in the first-class cabin, and Jack can scam his in-flight peanuts.

[Shot of Jin in line looking over at Jack's outburst.]

JACK: I want you to listen to me, okay. Because I'm asking you a favor, Chrissy. I'm standing in front of you in the same suit that I'm wearing to my father's funeral and I'm asking you a favor. In 16 hours I need to land at LAX, and I need that coffin to clear customs because there's going to be a hearse waiting there. And I need that hearse to take me and that coffin to a cemetery. Why? Why, Chrissy, can't I just bring him to a funeral home and make all the arrangements? Why can't I really take my time with it? Because I need it to be done. I need it to be over. I just—I need to bury my father.

[Shot of Jack at caves looking at the coffin. He opens it and there's no body inside. He gets angry and beats it with a metal pipe.]

CAPTION: Oh, this thing falls - intact - from a cruising altitude of 30,000 feet, and Jack thinks whapping at it with a widdle bitty pipe is going to hurt it?

Act 6

[Shot of people at beach, fires. We see three bottles of water.]

BOONE: Hey, hey, Claire [giving her water to drink].

CLAIRE: How did you get that?

BOONE: Shhh.

CHARLIE: [coming up behind Boone] Where'd you get that?

[Shot of Boone's face hitting the sand.]

CAPTION: That'll teach you to give a pregnant woman fluids which could sustain both her life and that of her unborn child!

CHARLIE: Here's your thief.

MICHAEL: Where'd he hide it?

CHARLIE: I don't know. This wanker had three bottles of it. Why'd you do it pretty boy, eh?

BOONE: It was just sitting in—it was just sitting in the tent, and Jack just took off.

CAPTION: "Plus, I was still mad at him for making me look like a weenie by saving my life earlier."

CHARLIE: Claire could've died.

BOONE: I tried to give her some sooner, but it just got out of hand. No one would have understood.

KATE: [entering] What is going on?

BOONE: Someone had to take responsibility for it. It would have never lasted.

CAPTION: Besides, Boone knows all about grabbing up valuable things before anyone knows how valuable they are. He runs a business.

[Charlie pushes Boone, Sayid steps in.]

CAPTION: Okay, now here's a potential ratings booster - everybody whaling on Boone.

JACK: [off camera, at first] Leave him alone. It's been 6 days and we're all still waiting. Waiting for someone to come. But what if they don't? We have to stop waiting. We need to start figuring things out. A woman died this morning just going for a swim and he tried to save her, and now you're about to crucify him? We can't do this. Everyman for himself is not going to work.

CAPTION: Now, now, has Jack given it a fair shot?

JACK: It's time to start organizing. We need to figure out how we're going to survive here. Now, I found water. Fresh water, up in the valley. I'll take a group in at first light. If you don't want to go come then find another way to contribute. Last week most of us were strangers, but we're all here now. And god knows how long we're going to be here. But if we can't live together, we're going to die alone.

[Shot of everyone standing around feeling stupid.]

CAPTION: Making everyone feel stupid is, of course, the hallmark of the true leader. Following in the footsteps of Franklin Delano Roosevelt's "we have nothing to fear but fear itself" speech, in the footsteps of John F. Kennedy's "ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country" speech, and, of course, in the footsteps of Ronald Reagan's "the bombing begins in five minutes" speech, Jack's "live together, die alone" speech will go down in the annals of the Island as the speech which motivated everyone to stop acting like dorks, if only for just a little bit.

[Shot of Charlie and Hurley getting water for people; shot of Jin and Sun.]

CAPTION: We promise the real translator will be back next week. Thank you for your patience.

SUN: 고마워요 -- 아까 물 갖다 줘서. [Subtitle: Thank you—for getting me water today.]

CAPTION: Real translation - "Thank you - for framing Boone as a water thief today."

JIN: 남편이니까 그렇게 해야지. [Subtitle: That's what husbands do. ]

CAPTION: Real translation - "That's what patsies are for."

[Michael brings water for Walt, but Walt's asleep so Vincent gets it.]

[We see Boone sitting by himself, as Sawyer approaches.]

SAWYER: So, how does it feel?

BOONE: How does what feel?

SAWYER: Taking my place at the top of everyone's most hated list. Sucks, don't it?

CAPTION: Yeah, and by trying to be nice, on top of it all. It would be easy enough to get in everyone's good graces by kneeing Sawyer in the groin right now, but Boone's so friggin' decent, he won't even do that. Pretty sad.

[Kate brings water to Jack.]

JACK: Thanks.

KATE: So where were you today Jack?

JACK: Just had to take care of a few things.

KATE: That's all I'm gonna get, huh?

JACK: My father died. In Sydney.

KATE: I'm sorry.

JACK: Yeah. I'm sorry too.

CAPTION: And so we come to the end of the episode. And what have we all learned? We know that Jack's leadership comes from deep within. We know that the other survivors are lucky to have someone so committed to trying to help them. Finally, we know that Christian Shephard, Jack's father, is dead, which means he will be on the show for at least four more seasons. So, until next week, goodbye, and save the aisle seats.

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