Le Fem Lysergic: Chap. Two "Pretty in Purple"

“I want a small, thin crust, anchovies and pineapple pizza to go!” the pretty girl with the purple hair ordered. Lysergic Oldham had just arrived in Slab Ville section and was pretty hungry. Aldo’s Pizza Shop seemed to be the only place open at this late of hour.

The guy behind the counter, wearing a hair net and tin braces over yellow teeth, yelled into a cone shaped tube that snaked up the wall and across the ceiling to the ovens in back.

“One salty fish with hula fruit on the thin side to split!!”

Lysergic could see a midget in back start to shovel up some coal to heat the steam condensers that would enable them to start up the oven.

“It’ll be ready in 23 minutes and that’ll be 23 bucks!” the Counter Guy said, as he punched a 19th century cash register with his cheap plastic prosthetic left arm, that hummed under the strain of its gyros and battery pack.

Lysergic searched through her vest pockets.

“I’ll have to run outside and get the money from a friend!” she lied, “be right back!”

“Hurry up!” Counter Guy replied, “We close as soon as your pizza is done!!”

“Be back before you can say, ‘Geronimo Jackson’!” Lysergic answered.

“You’d better be back sooner than that!!” Counter Guy warned.

Lysergic quickly ran around to the alley directly behind the pizza parlor and hid behind a trash dumpster.

She waited for over an hour, until the midget came out and dumped the trash, along with one thin crust, anchovies and pineapple pizza, that had been ordered but not picked up!

As soon as he left, Lysergic dumpster dived and came up with the old, cold pizza. She knew to order something most people hated (she, herself, hated anchovies and pineapples) that would guarantee no one would take it home, if it went unclaimed.

The pizza was soggy, dirty, and tasteless, definitely not worth $23, but if you’re hungry enough, she decided, then it was the best pizza she had ever eaten!

Lysergic ate a couple pieces, then stashed the rest in a side bag on the Vespa scooter, she had hidden nearby. She would save it for later. The salty anchovies, however, made her thirsty.

So, as she pushed the scooter further down the ally way, she noticed a leaky water faucet on a far side wall, slowly dripping drops. She couldn’t budge the sprocket, in an attempt to fully turn it on, so she ended up lapping up the drops. It took her awhile, but she eventually semi-quenched her thirst.

She soon discovered some shipping boxes that had been tossed out. The boxes were big enough to hold her and her scooter, so they became her room for the night.

Lysergic took off her stove pipe hat and leather vest and scrunched the vest up to form a make-shift pillow where she could lay her head.

Reaching into her skirt pockets, she took out the BB gun, the acid squirt gun, and her newly acquired steel baton, and placed them within reach, just in case someone came along during the night and got a little too curious.

She tried to sleep. It had been awhile since she had managed to escape from the total destruction of the Apollo Candy Company, her last place of employment.* So she now found herself off on another adventure, with no idea what she was going to do or where she might end up.

She decided the box she had found was actually pretty nice. Not like the box her parents used to place her in, when she was a child, to keep her from wandering off.

Sometimes, when her parents were off on one of their frequent drug induced benders, they would forget and leave her in the box. Sometimes for days. Occasionally remembering to toss in left over food for her to eat. The box was from someplace called Pace’s Butcher Shop and Lysergic remembered it always smelled like rotted meat.

To keep her occupied, Lysergic’s parents had cut out a small hole in the side of the box and placed a television set just outside. The TV could only receive one channel, ATVC. Ancient Television Cable, which for 24 hours a day, would broadcast old TV shows from the last century. So, Lysergic’s early basic education came from television reruns.

She shivered at the thought of those early childhood memories and tried to re-focus her mind on something else.

She thought about how she had wandered into the City and discovered, what she thought was a reasonably safe place to hide, an abandoned sleeping bag hanging under the bridge overlooking Rutherford Street, and it had been a reasonably safe place to hide for the last few days, until the creep trio came along.

Finally, she drifted off to sleep. The hours crawled by until the dark alleyway began to brighten under the rising sun.

Suddenly, Lysergic was jarred awake to discover someone holding a knife to her throat! She glanced up to see some scar faced, hollow eyed, ally punk, that appeared to want something more from Lysergic than just pizza!

“You don’t move or say one thing, pretty in purple,” he whispered into Lysergic’s ear, in a raspy voice, his breath smelling like a combination of stale whisky and vomit, “or I’ll cut you up good! Real good!!!”

Lysergic cautiously felt around to see if any of her weapons were still within reach! They weren’t!

Next: Chap. Three “Haze Fazer”

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