Fandom

Lostpedia

Comments11

Le Fem Lysergic: Chap. Fourteen "No Thing Ness"

Ad blocker interference detected!


Wikia is a free-to-use site that makes money from advertising. We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers

Wikia is not accessible if you’ve made further modifications. Remove the custom ad blocker rule(s) and the page will load as expected.

It was like they had just materialized through the wall, as a hidden door opened up into the training gym and out walked Mr. Z and Smaller.

Lysergic Oldham was momentarily startled.

“Oh, great!!!” she exclaimed, “I suppose you guys are gonna shoot me up with some more of your tranquilizers, huh?!”

Z smiled but Smaller kept a stoic look upon his face, which reminded Lysergic to keep a special eye on him.

“No, Ms. Oldham, no tranquilizers for now,” Z replied, “but since you apparently feel that Martial Arts isn’t something you care to learn...”

“Martial Arts is fancy dancing!!!” Lysergic interrupted, “I’m not a dancer, as I would of told “Husky Hanna”, if she hadn’t of gotten all Steroidal on me!!!”

“Nonetheless,” Z continued, “time is running out, so we’ll move on to the next phase of your training!”

“What’s that?!” Lysergic anticipatedly asked.

“Special Weapons,” Z answered.

“Awesomelicious!” Lysergic excitedly replied, “Now that, I like!”

“I figured you would,” Z smiled, “let’s go!”

Lysergic followed Z and Smaller out the gym and down a long hallway to another enclosed area. As she entered, Lysergic was excited to see it was a gunnery practice range with a variety of 3D targeting.

“Now, this is cool!” she noted, as she took a look around.

“Okay,” Z began, as he opened a silver metallic briefcase that was sitting on top of a shelf, near one of the practice booths, and took out a handgun.

“This is one of the weapons you will be issued,” Z explained, “it’s a .454 Caliber Hellsing Silver Special. It can blow a hole the size of a soccer ball through anybody!”

“Peachy!” Lysergic replied.

“Here, you try it out on that circular target out in the range,” Z said, offering the gun and some ear plugs to Lysergic.

Putting in the plugs, taking the gun, flipping off the safety, then aiming at the circular target 23 yards away, she pulled the trigger.

The gun’s report was deafening, even with ear protection on. However, Lysergic missed!

“Its got a lot of kick!” she noted.

“Yes,” Z replied, “but you’re going to need its stopping power and you’re going to need to be accurate!”

Lysergic re-aimed and fired. Once again, she missed!

“Damn it!!” Lysergic exclaimed.

“You are thinking too much,” Smaller interrupted.

“First time I’ve ever been accused of that!” Lysergic giggled.

“What I mean,” Smaller explained, “is you must put your mind into a state of nothingness!”

“A state of nothingness?!” Lysergic replied, “I’ve done that before, when I’ve popped acid!”

Smaller continued, “You think of nothing!”

“That, I can do!” Lysergic said, “I can think of nothing for weeks!”

“No Thing Ness!” Smaller continued, “it’s a state of mind called “No Mind”!”

“So let me get this straight,” Lysergic replied, “in order for me to hit the target, I don’t think of hitting the target. If I think of hitting the target, then I won’t hit the target, but if I don’t think of the target, that is, if I think of nothing, then I’ll hit something! That something being the target, right?!”

“Right!” Smaller replied, “keep the mind empty!”

“Keeping my mind empty?” Lysergic grinned, “no problem there!!!”

With that said, Lysergic suddenly turned, aimed, and fired without hesitation.

The target exploded!

“Very good, Ms. Oldham!” Z said.

Lysergic grinned, “I guess in this business, the less you know, the further you go!”

Smaller frowned, as Z rolled his eyes.

“So that’s the trick, huh?” Lysergic continued, “you guys don’t think, you just act!”

“Precisely,” Smaller said, “which is why if you don’t start taking this training seriously, I will be thinking of nothing when I put a gun next to your head and pull the trigger!”

Lysergic gulped.

“I don’t think you’ll have very much trouble in mastering this technique,” Z stated, “you seem to be a rather reactive person anyway. I’m sure you weren’t thinking of anything when you attacked Ms. Cryptousky, were you?”

Lysergic smiled.

“I actually was thinking of something!” she answered, “I was thinking, ‘I’m gonna bite both this Bitch’s ears off!’ But I only had time to bite off one!”

Z nodded. Smaller frowned.

“Well, you just remember what I told you is going to happen to you, if you don’t get with the program!” Smaller stated.

“I will,” Lysergic replied, “and you remember something too!”

“Oh, and what’s that?” Smaller asked.

Lysergic smiled, “Remember to never threaten a girl holding a loaded .454 caliber Hellsing Silver Special, okay?!”

Smaller reluctantly nodded, while Z stifled a laugh.

Next: Chap. Fifteen “A Complete Blank”

Also on Fandom

Random Wiki