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Lost - The Pedian Edit: The Alternative Opening

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Thanks to those who contributed to my last blog - 'Lost: The Pedian Edit'. As expected, it was rather funny, and works about as well as I expected. I would have liked a few more responses, but as ever, posts get bumped down and forgotten about quite quickly. As promised here's the transcript (i tweakd it a little to make it all present tense, hiopefully this makes easier reading!:



One day, a man in a suit wakes up suddenly in the middle of the jungle. Looking up he sees a golden retriever wagging its tail and looking curiously at him. The dog then runs off into the depths of the jungle, prompting the man to get to his feet. At that point, he hears a scream in the distance.

Confused and intrigued he runs towards the direction of the scream and emerges from the tree-line to see a column of Smoke billowing up into the night sky. This man, hearing the screams, runs desparately towards them, sure he must rescue someone in pain. He trips and falls over a huge toe which seemed to have been dislodged from what appears to be the remains of a statue. A man in a white shirt emerged from the statue, and looked around him at the carnage and destruction. He calmly walked up to the man, and touched the man on the shoulder. The man in the white shirt starts to tell him instructions but he is speaking in Latin.

Suddenly they are interrupted by the wail of a huge green bird flying at high speed. As it flies overhead, it screeches "Herrrrrrrllleeeeeeeeeee.....", but its terrifying screech is truncated when it flies right into the rotor blades of the still running jet engine. The sound of flesh against grindling metal rends the hot afternoon air; blood and green feathers rain down from on high. The man in the white shirt finds an umbrella amongst the debris, and raises it above his head. He kneels over one of the survivors, and seemingly heals him stating "I'm sorry this had to happen to you." The man then replies in Latin"It's alright father all for the greater good of the island right" The white shirt man then says "Thats absolutley right David."

Then they hear an un earthly wail from a large man with curly ringlets. He is looking for a lottery ticket that he swears is worth millions. A sandy haired man offers to help and asks him to describe the last known whereabouts of this ticket. He goes to look through the luggage and uncovers what looks like a game. He'd heard of it before it was an ancient epyptian game, Senet he thinks its called. The man in the white shirt comes over takes it. "I'll take that thank you." The man then walks over to the man in the suit and says "Lets go. You have work to do."

The man in the suit then asks "Who are you?" to which the white suited man replies, "My name is Doctor Emmett L Brown. I happened upon this Island, while studying the effects of electromagnetism on time and space. I have built this vessel (nods towards what looks like a 1980's delorean motorcar) in order to safely travel to and from the Island and continue my studies. However, the vehicle has become inoperable and i'm stuck here. To top it off, my research assistant Martin was taken by a group of men in old fashioned clothing, and I must find him. Will you help me"

"Of course", replies the man in the suit, but first we must help the other people that were on board the outrigger...someone got shot! Do you know who they were?" The man in white then replies "Yes they were Barney the dinosaur and spider man they are both super..



Well, that's as far as it got. I'm not entirely sure this would have got beyond a pilot, so maybe we're all being a bit harsh on Darlton sometimes!

I should also point out that in this version, several unanswered Lost questions have now been solved:

1)The Hurley Bird was decimated in the engine of Oceanic Flight 815 2)The man who lives in the statue is not Jacob, it is Doc Emmett L Brown of Back to the Future fame. 3) It was Barney the Dinosaur and Spiderman who were involved in the outrigger chase.

If you want to carry this on, please do so from the line:

"Of course", replies the man in the suit, but first we must help the other people that were on board the outrigger...someone got shot! Do you know who they were?" The man in white then replies "Yes they were Barney the dinosaur and spider man they are both super..

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